Thursday, July 2, 2015


So we got back from Texas last week, and it has been a crazy week since that. I watched my sister in laws 5 kids for 3 days, had Max's 5th birthday party. and then Sunday both Noah and Scout got hit my an awful mouth virus. I am kinda dying about it. I tried to suck it up and be a good mom but man this one is bad. Their mouths are filled with sores and it's just a common (apparently) childhood virus that will have to run its course. That being said they are miserable, especially Noah who hasn't eaten or slept in almost 5 days. He cries loud ALOT and while my mom heart broke for his pain for a little while now I am just tired and angry and my patience is running thin. Larry of course is gone a good 12 hours a day so there is little time for me to get even 10 minutes to sit an regain some energy. Thank goodness Max is at art camp for a good part of the day, playing away so I only have to deal with 2 screaming kids. It's been a bad week and I am ready for them to feel better and go back to normalcy. I feel like crying right along with them.

Friday, June 5, 2015

Feelin' It...

Okay I have been feeling all the feelings lately. Yesterday was a super hard and long day. I didn't have a plan for the day, which is never good and the boys just kept fighting, which is not like them. Scout wasn't sleeping and she has been dealing with a bad diaper rash that she can't seem to kick, so she was clingy and fussy. I had a head ache and my eyes are bothering me so my patients was low and I was feeling like jumping out a window. To top it off Noah has sprayed cleaning solution in scouts face and she cried for about an hour as I kept rinsing her eyes out. I was steaming mad but I know he had thought it was water and didn't really mean it. He felt bad and kept telling us how sorry he was.

I hate days like this. I can't get my act together and we are all grumpy and I snap way to fast at the kids. It's the worst. It makes me feel like a failure. I took the kids to the library in the late afternoon and then fought the whole way back while Scout wailed. My mom says just some days are bad. Today was a bad day. I hope my kids don't remember them, and I know they will be in my guilt ridden memory forever. This is just real life. I struggle with wanting a perfect life and try to accept it is not and be grateful for the wonderful life I have. I try not to compare and I am really working on not judging. Everyone has problems whether they admit it or not. But on days like yesterday I feel it all the vast amount of emotions of failure, jealousy, anger...then I feel embarrassed and always a rush of gratitude when I really do think of how blessed I am.

see...all the feelings!

Tomorow will be better..I will learn and grow and try to keep the bad days, and the bad feelings at bay.

Thursday, June 4, 2015

Summer Bucket List 2015

  • Go to Texas! 
  • Swim almost everyday
  • Larry Take & Pass the Bar!!!! 
  • Hit all the splash pads in the area 
  • See some movies 
  • Go to the lake once a week 
  • Celebrate Max & Scouts Birthdays 
  • Larry and I get away alone for a week...somewhere on a beach with endless diet cokes
  • weekend trip to Santa Cruz Or Monterey 
  • Get Tan ;)
  • Build lots of cool lego sets (max) 
  • Learn to swim without puddle jumpers (noah) 
  • practice reading and writing daily (max) 
  • work on blog 
  • have a friends BBQ 
  • visit fresno 
  • attend the temple twice 
  • learn to walk (scout) 
  • build a few sandcastles 
  • jan peaches & pears 
  • work on the backyard 
I'm pretty solo this summer as Larry is constantly studying...he just walked in the door at 7:30pm after leaving this morning at 8am. My mom will be around and do lots of things with me which is super helpful, our trip to Texas is kinda a big deal which is next week. Hopefully we can survive the summer and have some fun and limit TV watching. We are really limiting screen time and my kids are playing better, being more creative, and while it is so much easier to let them watch TV, I am trying my hardest to keep it off. Here is to a fun and hot summer. 

Wednesday, June 3, 2015

A Trip To The Children's Museum.

This morning I packed up the babies and took them down to the Sacramento Children's museum. It is a small place but lots to do and everything is really hands on so I don't feel bad it they play and make a mess because they really can't destroy anything. I am trying hard to keep busy and keep the boys doing things as it is now summer and I don't want them just watching TV all the time. Plus I am alone 100% of the day till late at night because Larry is studying his brains out so I have to prepare myself and getting out and doing things is the best for us all. 

 Where is Noah? This boy is good at hiding from me, especially when it is time to go and I can't find him, he actually thinks it is hilarious when it is not, and I kinda want to kill him.  He has gotten better  a few months ago I wouldn't have come here by myself with the 3 kids for fear that I would lose 
Noah because he runs off so much, so that is progress right. Never really lost him once today!

Max the butterfly, there is all types of dress ups at this place. Cute face. 

Love this baby girl of mine! She is so special and sweet in every way. She played and crawled everywhere. Sometimes I don't know if she knows she is actually a baby. Oh I love her so much. Could kiss her and take a million pictures of her beautiful face all day long. There is a little baby area she hung out in and played but her favorite thing was to be right by me with some toy in her hand watching the kids play.  


This is Noah's favorite thing here. You can stuff balls, and scarfs in and it will go through all the tubes then shoot out different ends and ways. The yarn balls were scouts favorite and she would crawl as fast as she could to catch them when they popped out. There she is in action probably going after one! 

Luck was on our side, Larry was on his way up from Sacramento after his bar prep class had ended so we met up for lunch before he went back to his studying. We were able to have a great lunch the kids sat and ate their food and did great. We are at a good spot with them and it is feeling more possible to do things because they are getting a little older. I know it will be short lived because Scout will be crazy when she starts walking. For now I will enjoy it! 

Tuesday, June 2, 2015

Kindergarden Shots!

Well the day had finally come for Max to get his 5 year old shots! He will be 5 in just a few short weeks and needed to get these to start school in the Fall. We had tried a few months earlier to get them but our insurance didn't cover them until the month he turned 5. We didn't know that until we got to the dr. office so it was so anti climactic. He had got all worried, and cried and scared and then they sent us home. SO I really pumped him up the next few weeks telling him how brave he was, that these were his last shots for so long, and that he got a lego once it was all done! I was prepared this time around with his baby blanket, the ipad to distract him in the waiting room, because sometimes waiting makes it much worse! 


 He was a champ the entire time until it was actually shot time. He sat on my lap and was getting nervous, he said he wanted to see the needle then would close his eyes when he was ready. But once it really happened he started to cry and say he wasn't ready. I just held him nice and tight my trusty nursing skills kicked in and it was all done really kick. After the first one he said it didn't hurt but after the other 2 he was very much done. He kinda ran in a circle wondering why his arms were stinging it was kinda funny and sad. He quickly recovered and we hurried home to open his new lego Ninjago set he got as his reward. He was super excited and kept telling everyone how brave he was to get his shots! Noah was particularly interested in all his bandaids. Here are the after shots! Such a big boy can't believe he will be 5 so soon! 

Max's Stats 
Weights 40 pounds
Length: 43.5 inches 

Monday, June 1, 2015

To file into my mothering folder.

I read this on a blog on mothers day and have been wanting to remember it ever since. It really spoke to me and got me all choked up. Every bit of it is so true I just loved it so much. The other night I shamelessly yelled at Max. I had a terrible headache, I was on my period (which I haven't had in over 2 years) I was tired...the list of excuses goes on and on. I felt awful after. He was acting his normal whiny hard self and I couldn't take it anymore. I snapped. After I calmed down I went and apologized he quickly said "thats okay mom" but I kept pressing him telling him sometimes being a mom is hard and I am trying my best but sometimes I am wrong and moms need to be able to say "sorry" I wish I never had to say it but I am not perfect and neither is he. He is learning and growing and I need to be the best mom I can be for him. I hope that I can be enough for him, for all of my kids.


The other day as I was ricocheting slowly
off the blue walls of this room
bouncing from typewriter to piano
from bookshelf to an envelope lying on the floor,
I found myself in the "L"section of the dictionary
where my eyes fell upon the word, Lanyard.
No cookie nibbled by a French novelist
could send one more suddenly into the past.
A past where I sat at a workbench
at a camp by a deep Adirondack lake
learning how to braid thin plastic strips into a lanyard.
A gift for my mother.
I had never seen anyone use a lanyard.
Or wear one, if that's what you did with them.
But that did not keep me from crossing strand over strand
again and again until I had made a boxy, red and white lanyard for my mother.
She gave me life and mild from her breasts,
and I gave her a lanyard
She nursed me in many a sick room,
lifted teaspoons of medicine to my lips,
set cold facecloths on my forehead
then led me out into the airy light
and taught me to walk and swim and I in turn presented her with a lanyard.
"Here are thousands of meals" she said,
"and here is clothing and a good education." 
"And here is your lanyard," I replied,
"which I made with a little help from a counselor."
"Here is a breathing body and a beating heart,
strong legs, bones and teeth and two clear eyes to read the world." she whispered.
"And here," I said, "is the lanyard I made at camp."
"And here," I wish to say to her now,
"is a smaller gift.  Not the archaic truth,
that you can never repay your mother,
but the rueful admission that when she took the two-toned lanyard from my hands, 
I was as sure as a boy could be
that this useless worthless thing I wove out of boredom
would be enough to make us even."

--Billy Collins

Sunday, May 31, 2015

3 Babies Bathing In A Tub!

Every night I load this crew into the tub, scrub off the dirt, dry them off, get lotion on them, and stick em in their jammies. It is a lot of work and by the time it is done the bathroom is soaked, I am soaked and they usually are worked up from playing and I have to get them calmed down to put them to bed. They are my crazy little circus but I love watching them play together, and treat each other kindly. The 3 of them really do love each other, I can see it everyday and especially during bath time when they play together soaking in the tub.